so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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