ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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