Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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