Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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