i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize