My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize