He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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