Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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