Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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