I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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