I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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