I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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