So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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