i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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