Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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