So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize