do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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