You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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