Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize