I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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