Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize