If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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