he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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