first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize