My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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