my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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