For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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