Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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