Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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