you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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