Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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