If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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