I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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