Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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