Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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