4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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