i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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