Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize