Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize