At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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