I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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