woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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