Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize