Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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