woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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