The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize