i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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