I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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