I hate all girls vehemently.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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