I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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