I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize