well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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