Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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