shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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